Be selfish- Repay Others with Good
Mishlei Chapter 17 Verse 13
יג מֵשִׁיב רָעָה, תַּחַת טוֹבָה-- לֹא-תמיש (תָמוּשׁ) רָעָה, מִבֵּיתוֹ
13. He who repays evil for good-evil will not depart from his house.
here is my summary for this pasuk:
When one person does good to another, an implicit obligation is formed for the second person to aknowledge the good that was done to him by doing good back. Most of the time people do not do good lishmah, deriving complete enjoyment from the act itself, but rather they rely on this implicit principle and expect some form of aknowledgement or repayment for the good that they have done. This is true of all kinds of relationships even ones that occur within a household (between husband and wife etc…). Someone who ignores this implicit obligation is living by the principle that good is owed to him and that he owes nothing in return. This behavior will have four distinct consequences:
1) People will have a natural resentment for the person because they did not receive the aknowledgement they felt that they deserved. This will put a strain on the relationship
2) People will not do good for him because they will lack the motivation to do so
3) Because of the principle (that everything is owed to him and that he owes people nothing) that the person operates on, he will be frustrated when he has to do things for others. In a system (such as a family) that relies on people doing things for eachother all the time, the person will constantly be in conflict because he feels that everything should be done for him.
4) because he is not in a habit of doing things for others, his family life will fall apart.
here is an alternative summary written by my chavruta
For whatever reason, people expect recompense for the good they do for others; for this reason, one who repays good with evil is abhorred by all. The person who routinely repays good with evil is exceedingly egotistical; he believes that he is entitled to be the recipient of good from others, but he doesn’t owe them anything, and may treat them however he pleases – as though they are nothing but objects in his possession. As a direct consequence of this severe character flaw, such an individual will be continually plagued by evil in four ways:
(1) people will hate him and resent him;
(2) people will not want to do good for him, since they know they’ll only get evil in return;
(3) his egotistical feeling of entitlement will cause him to be remiss in his duties towards the members of his household, and as a consequence, the household as a whole will deteriorate and suffer – with him included;
(4) his egotism will generate excessive and unrealistic expectations of how others should relate to him, and these unfulfilled expectations will breed perpetual dissatisfaction and conflict.
יג מֵשִׁיב רָעָה, תַּחַת טוֹבָה-- לֹא-תמיש (תָמוּשׁ) רָעָה, מִבֵּיתוֹ
13. He who repays evil for good-evil will not depart from his house.
here is my summary for this pasuk:
When one person does good to another, an implicit obligation is formed for the second person to aknowledge the good that was done to him by doing good back. Most of the time people do not do good lishmah, deriving complete enjoyment from the act itself, but rather they rely on this implicit principle and expect some form of aknowledgement or repayment for the good that they have done. This is true of all kinds of relationships even ones that occur within a household (between husband and wife etc…). Someone who ignores this implicit obligation is living by the principle that good is owed to him and that he owes nothing in return. This behavior will have four distinct consequences:
1) People will have a natural resentment for the person because they did not receive the aknowledgement they felt that they deserved. This will put a strain on the relationship
2) People will not do good for him because they will lack the motivation to do so
3) Because of the principle (that everything is owed to him and that he owes people nothing) that the person operates on, he will be frustrated when he has to do things for others. In a system (such as a family) that relies on people doing things for eachother all the time, the person will constantly be in conflict because he feels that everything should be done for him.
4) because he is not in a habit of doing things for others, his family life will fall apart.
here is an alternative summary written by my chavruta
For whatever reason, people expect recompense for the good they do for others; for this reason, one who repays good with evil is abhorred by all. The person who routinely repays good with evil is exceedingly egotistical; he believes that he is entitled to be the recipient of good from others, but he doesn’t owe them anything, and may treat them however he pleases – as though they are nothing but objects in his possession. As a direct consequence of this severe character flaw, such an individual will be continually plagued by evil in four ways:
(1) people will hate him and resent him;
(2) people will not want to do good for him, since they know they’ll only get evil in return;
(3) his egotistical feeling of entitlement will cause him to be remiss in his duties towards the members of his household, and as a consequence, the household as a whole will deteriorate and suffer – with him included;
(4) his egotism will generate excessive and unrealistic expectations of how others should relate to him, and these unfulfilled expectations will breed perpetual dissatisfaction and conflict.
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